Maturity and Growing older

I started my blog with one single entry back in 2004. It was out of feeling jadedness in life. I had a great girlfriend back then, but life was having its ups and downs especially with 15-18 hour work days and she was overseas. And in 2005, I ended it after a business and working trip to Germany, Holland, Sweden and Denmark. It has been 7 years, and though it wasn't an itch, she told me I needed to get out to find someone. She is the only person so far who knows me better than I know myself.

I thought it was a test and indeed it probably was and I failed badly. I never got over her, and though I should, I couldn't. I knew I wasn't good enough for her yet the moment I got out of the relationship, I finally found the urge to commit, to find someone to settle down with. There wasn't a need to be someone - heck in fact just any girl will do. But after being involved with someone new, I soon realised it has been always me, and just as she knows me well, I needed to be with someone else to realise how much I needed her. And in all culmination of the highs and lows during the periods without her, I realised what I have always been doing wrong and how things could actually be salvaged. I never believed in divorces and she gave me this quote which has etched in my mind - "Love never fails". Surrounded by break ups and divorces, my mind got all messed up on how easy people let things go. Because there are alternatives? Because there is always more fishes in the ponds and more trees in the forest?

Just last week, I had an encounter on the basketball court, which usually would have led to a fight, but it didn't. Why?

I met a friend on the court and both sides were having games, with the other side filled with kids, I chose the "older" side. I shout out to the 15-16 year olds who were playing 2-on-2. "Hey can we join?" I was ignored. After 5 mins "Are you taking scores?" I was still being ignored. This time I moved forward and indicated to the players, can we join? The oldest of the lot shouted back, "Can't you wait?" I told him, "I asked and there wasn't a reply." He said I was being rude and impatient. I reiterated that I asked but they were ignoring me. His most farked up reply came, "I was concentrating, can't you wait dumbass?" I was taken aback and on the verge of crashing the game, but instead said. "That was uncalled for, now who is being rude."

Back then, about 10 years ago, when I was balling almost every opportunity for a game, I remembered at this new Marine Parade CC sheltered court, where we shared with a bunch of old men, their team comprises of ex-national players and coaches aged from 75-30 odd years old. And we used to challenge them week after week and often losing in the full court games. So one weekend, there was a young team, who challenged them and the whole team isn't even army aged. We sat down after our loss and watching the kids earnestly try to beat this old timers. The kids were trying and likewise for them, they were losing and started to rough it up a bit. And just one incident of misunderstanding, we watched from the floor this single 30 odd year old man throwing punches at the 15-16 year olds. His friends did try to hold him back but I left in disgust and pondering if we should have called the police on the fight. That day I learnt that basketball is a sport and in all sports, there has to be sportsmanship. You throw sportsmanship away, you don't deserve to play the game.

So what I did next was...damn I having been playing on this court before they were born..and waited for an apology and it did not come. I then moved to do something that I would never have done perhaps a year ago - I apologised openly for my rudeness not knowing he was "concentrating" and we just want to play and the court should be shared. And what ensued was that long-awaited sorry which he apologises for what he said and we played soon after. What was at stake here was pride. In all young adolescents' development is ego. Like the common quote which did not make sense to me 10 years ago, it does so now:

"Before you can be old and wise you must first be young and foolish"

And an accompanying quote which I am fond of now:

"Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."

-- George Chapman


So indeed, it looks I have grown older and avoid making the mistakes we learnt earlier in life. But for love, I guess I have to remember why I should fall in love in the first place and there is no place for second best. Because I do not believe in divorces and getting my way out of a marriage. Love never fails.